If I could just cut it off…

I have always had a love/hate relationship with my body. In my teens and 20s when I was at my skinniest, I was insecure about being too skinny. This wasn’t helped by the fact that I was teased constantly about being too thin. I was 5ft 6ins tall and weighed 101 lbs and all I wanted at that time was to gain some weight. I remember being about 23 and going to McDonald’s everyday for an extra thick vanilla milk shake and a Big Mac with fries. I would get cans of Ensure from the grocery stores and drink those everyday for breakfast because someone told me that it would help me gain weight. Of course looking back now, I realize how silly I was and wish I had left well enough alone.

In my 30s, the wish from my 20s came true and I finally gained some weight. I gained 30 lbs, but then, I didn’t want to gain the weight that I did and that’s when I started working out and started the process of eating clean and healthy. I started to regret working so hard to gain weight because I realized what a pain in the butt it was to lose weight. So, you can see what a confused individual I was.

Now, a few years later, I am happy for the most part with my weight and my body but I still have certain areas that I wish with all my might looked different, and I’m talking about body parts I have control over because let me tell you, I wish there was a push-up or sit-up that would make my boobs bigger, but alas it is not to be. I’m sure you can relate with wishing you had a bigger butt or a smaller butt or a flatter tummy or smaller thighs or bigger thighs, there’s always something to obsess over it seems.

20180221_051521The parts of my body I have always struggled with are my arms and my abs. As far as I’m concerned, my arms are too big, I feel that they make me look bigger than I am and for the longest time I would only wear tops and dresses with sleeves that covered my arms and avoid taking pictures with my arms down my side. My abs have never been the same since I gave birth to my son and I work on them and work on them and yes my tummy is flat, but the longed for six-pack still eludes me and there’s nothing like having someone ask you if you’re pregnant when you’re not and just having a bloat day. I have perfected “sucking it in” which you would think would strengthen my ab muscles, and if I plan on wearing something form fitting for a night out or something, I make sure not to eat a lot throughout the day to reduce the bloat factor.

My husband, family and friends would tell me my arms are fine and that I have a distorted view of myself, maybe this is true, but until I find a mirror that doesn’t distort my view, I still hate my arms. Same for my abs.

I know I can’t let my insecurities with my body consume me, so I do a lot of workouts that focus on toning my arms like bicep curls and push-ups and I do exercises to strengthen my core in the hopes that I may one day see that six pack pushing through. I wear sleeveless shirts and dresses now and I have on many occasions gotten compliments about my arms and instead of telling myself that these people were lying to me, I believe them and let the compliments boost my confidence about this part of my body that troubles me.

Everyone has something about their body that they are insecure about. If they say they don’t, they are probably not telling the truth. The key is to not let this take over your life and instead try to turn the perceived negative into a positive with flattering outfits or exercises that focus on working that body part. The insecurity may still be there deep down inside but it will not be what defines you as a person.

Follow me on Instagram: @fitinstilettos and share your insecurities about your body. Tag them #fitinstilettos 🙂

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